Satan doesn't want me for a Sunburn

Satan doesn't want me for a sunburn
Sunburns are painful just like me
Don't except me not to laugh
For all the reasons you're asking why
Don't ever except me not to be high

Yoda doesn't want me for a jedi
Jedis are one with the force unlike me
Don't expect me to train
Don't expect jedi mind tricks from my brain
Don't ever expect me not to go insane

Jim Hanson doesn't want me for a muppet
Muppets are just puppets like me
Don't expect me to kill Alf
Don't expect me to remember my name Ralph
Don't ever expect me to shut my mouth

God doesn't want me for my soul
Souls are lost just like me
Don't expect me to redeem
Don't expect me to dream
Don't ever expect me to blaspheme