KILL IT!

By Deathkitten

There's a hunger in my veins
I refuse to feed
and the blood always stains
because I just want to bleed
My tummy is aching
and i'd rather not fill it
Moods i'll be faking
so my mind can try to kill it
If I could just curve it
not an appetite
but the pain
of starvation
or water weight-gain
If I could go without
for more than a day or few
i'd be anorexic too
To rid extra self-hate
and see numbers drop on the scale
but that's not my fate
It's not my hell
Still a disorder
a borderline freak
Mood swings recorded
on sheets like a geek
Uncontrollable emotion
A level ground I do seek
Irritability with minor depression
Often unstable
Everything is in question
You can flick me like a bic
I'm on & i'm off
just like a light switch
Most days I wear a frown
My heart is half alive
I'm distant when i'm down
but there's a wild animal inside
Auto-pilot tends to scare
Being alone isn't very nice to me
'cause I know deep down it's there
Please kill this BPD

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Published on Tuesday, July 23, 2013. Filed under: "Personal" and "Poetry"

Awards

April 27th, 2016

Comments on "KILL IT!"

A former member wrote: A difficult disorder to have, that's for certain. You however, have portrayed the struggle quite beautifully.
On Thursday, July 25, 2013, BlackVelvet Rose (175) wrote:

BPD is a nerve racking stillness in the moments of ticking time... i know all about this and i love the way you have portrayed it here... this is exactly why you are one of my fav poets on here!!
On Thursday, July 25, 2013, Deathkitten (571) wrote:

I always try to capture it in it's trueness & pen it honestly & accurately (in my mind). Thank you veddy much :)
On Thursday, July 25, 2013, Devilish (2633) wrote:

Damn! You have got to be one of the most emotionally driven poets i have ever read and i love that about you ..
On Thursday, July 25, 2013, Deathkitten (571) wrote:

*Blushes* well thank you baby, I try ;)
On Thursday, July 25, 2013, xZombie Poptartzx (332) wrote:

I know quite a few people who have BPD, and it definitely isn't easy for them or for those they love. This was very well written, and expressed â™¥ just stay strong hun xoxo
On Thursday, July 25, 2013, Deathkitten (571) wrote:

I'm always strong. Wouldn't be here if I wasn't. No worries. Thank you so much :)
On Thursday, July 25, 2013, blue angel (866) wrote:

I've read this several times, and can relate to the constant battle , the wild animal inside claws at me relentlessly;)~ Emotions are so raw, love it
On Thursday, July 25, 2013, Deathkitten (571) wrote:

Well I am glad somebody is reading it & can relate. Thank you, beautiful :)
On Tuesday, July 23, 2013, haunted (837) wrote:

man jess, I know this. I know this animal that rips us apart mentally and emotionally. I had borderline and its a mother fucker to tame. its full of pain and you snap for no reason only to hate yourself for it so you can hurt yourself, like a fucking punishment for being. its horrible and im familiar with it, I lived it , I survived it. it was hard and I had to face many things I refused to deal with. but when you face them, the pain goes away with much less of an impact. its manageable. my best to you jess, I know it hurts and you will survive, I promise you. your poem is very good I like it, I can see you think and this one is heartbreaking to read. believe it or not im at a loss for words. because I know its hard. hang tough kitten. just know your loved by me.
On Wednesday, July 24, 2013, Deathkitten (571) wrote:

I know, we've had that conversation & I am glad there are some who can understand it & even more so that you are always there to talk to & care about me. You're awesome & I thank you for taking the time to read just about all my work & being so detailed & honest, amongst completely dedicated. *Hugs*