schizo*phre*nia

(noun)

: a psychotic disorder characterized by loss of contact with the environment, by noticeable deterioration in the level of functioning in everyday life, and by disintegration of personality expressed as disorder of feeling, thought (as in hallucinations and delusions), and conduct.


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there's something about it
(we can hear you thinking)
i just can't put my finger on it
but the feeling
is unlike (like? unlike? like? whichever [it's not whatever it's what is])
any other

it's like
standing
in a crowd at carnival hate carnivals they smell odd and the people all around
and hearing
all these
(talk and talk with nothing to say)conversations
around you
and yet
once in a while
you focus on
one (two three four we don't want your fucking war)
and hear what they have
to say

that's kinda
what it's like

my brain
never shuts
off (on off on off on)

i listen to music
because it's white (white is all colors mixed together) noise
it gives me
something
outside my head
to think about

because otherwise
i'm not sure
if i'd ever
really
be able (table cable sable)
to rest
even for a moment
(who needs rest? i do, it's late, i'm tired)
and it's
exhausting
never being
alone
inside
your head
(alone's a miserable way to be)