Sick Inside

By: Alexis Manley

I am sick on the inside
I eat and eat but no peace comes

i eat my feelings a lot
a monster that lurks in the back of my head

it tells me to eat to soothe the pain
it tells me to sit idlely by as i get rounder

the weight is eating me alive
the pain that it hides

hurt so deep
nothing can fix me

sometimes I'm bored and eat
sometimes I'm sad and eat

late at night i get up and eat
I eat and eat like a fat kid at the end of a fudge assembly line

I feel so sick inside
I feel like my belly will forever be a swolen reminder of past defeats

I am never happy when i eat
I try to eat healthy

I will grab a bag of single serving cheetos and feul the flame
356 more calories

I start taking walks like i used to
I take a bite of an apple and i feel better

I puke on bananas
I eat more than one cup of yogurt to fill up

I try to be so happy
but i eat and eat

I am a small framed woman with a little bitty gut
to me it seems so big i never used to be this way

I'm sick inside
I'm sad inside
I'm bored inside

I eat more and more every day

I dont want to be this little body with a gut

I cant wear a bikini anymore
I used to be so happy

I drink sweet tea
I dont drink soda

I dont eat but maybe four cookies out of a whole month
I dont eat sweets like I used to but i need to take the steps out of hunger out of bordom

I will step out of the darkness and be free
I will rid myself of the fat kid mentality

I'm not sick inside
I just eat too much