I look out, lost in thought, from my second-floor window to see my lake, our lake. When you walk into my bedroom, uninvited, you stand behind me wrapping your arms around my waist and resting your chin on my shoulder. I have to force myself not to shudder when you do this because that will lead to questions that you don’t want to ask and that I’m not ready to answer yet. After a moments pause you ask, “What do you see out there today, baby?” My answer is the same as always. I see little ripples in the water that are caused by the up-down, up-down motion of the oars as they move through the water. Or maybe it’s down-up, down-up depending on your point of view. I can see the rowboat, that the oars are attached to, coming closer as I look out into the gigantic, surprisingly serene scenery. I can now distinctly make out the features of the rower, its him, that’s no surprise really he comes to visit me everyday at the same time. What he’s wearing is also no surprise; he always wears combat boots, jet-black Levi jeans and his button-down shirt over a jet-black tank top. Although today he is wearing his blue button-down shirt. He knows I love that shirt, cause it brings out his eyes. His visits are what I look forward to; they make me forget my long, stressful, aggravating, hectic day that I’ve had. The only time I can really sleep is when I’m wrapped in the sheets with his arms wrapped tightly around my waist, and my head on his chest where I can hear his heart beat. Thump thump thump, thump thump thump. I hear that sound as we look out the window to see the moonlight’s rays cascading down into the lake water, but it’s not just any lake water, it’s our lake water.You walk away without saying another word and you close the door so quietly, that if I did not know you as well as I do, I would think that you hadn’t left yet. It’s only after I hear the tiny click of the door closing I notice that I didn’t answer you once again like I had truly wanted to, I always think I answer you that way, always think I tell you the truth. That’s not the case though, I always answer you that way in my head where I can have my thoughts and memories and not get into trouble because of them. All I ever say to you is this, “Nothing really, just gazing.” After I answer you and you walk out I am pulled from the place where I am myself, where I am calm, where I am happy, and most importantly where I am loved by the most important person in my life. I try to go back to that place right away because I am already feeling drained like I was before I went to my private special place that is inside my head and heart, but it always takes my a few minutes to get back. By the time I get back to that place he’s docking his rowboat as usual, today it’s raining outside so his normally slicked back highlighted and bleached hair is sticking up in curls in the front. I absolutely love his hair like that, maybe that’s why he doesn’t use as much gel in his hair like he used to when we first met, every time I see him I feel this incredible desire,no not desire...an incredible need,to run my hands through it.
He looks up towards the window, like always, when he gets to the end of our small semi-sturdy dock. I was grinning when I saw him row up and dock, but the second our eyes connect I break into a huge smile that reaches my eyes. For some reason he is one of the only people, Faith aka Hot Stuff and Xander aka Sun being the others, who can get me to smile like that. After a few minutes of just staring at each other he proceeds to walk towards the front door, when he starts walking towards the house I turn around.