Nothing

I need to get away from you.
Feeling the need to run and hide from this place.
Never understanding that your words have an affect on me.
You never physically abuse, but inside I’m all black and blue.
Always screaming, “You’re nothing! Use your brain!” all directly at my face.
Wishing I could leave this house that isn’t a home, all because I need to be free.

You think I’ll never leave here, that I’ll always be around.
Telling me everyday without any reason “Get your education.”
Listening to my music or reading books are my only means of escape.
I lock myself in a room just so I don’t have to listen to the awful sounds.
Never understanding that I’m not like you, can’t stay here, need a relocation.
I told you once that I wanted to leave you said I wouldn’t, give me the chance I won’t hesitate.

Your neglected and forgotten dreams have always became mine.
The things I want to experience, places I want to go, are automatically rejected.
Wondering do you even understand that I have dreams that are nothing like yours.
People have objected but it falls on deaf ears, years ago you crossed the unforgivable line.
You never realize or understand that the things I say aren’t my feelings being reflected.
Every time I mention what I want to do in life, you don’t listen and rename your goals.

It’s always so hard for me not to talk back and release all my feelings.
The only reason I don’t is because I know this would become a whole lot harder.
I have so many things I refuse to tell you for the fear of them being neglected.
You have this thought, that when I leave and run out of money I’ll start stealing.
I know that the only reason I’m here is cause you don’t want me with my father.
When I talk about the things you do for some reason “mom” is always suspected.

A certainty of mine is that I refuse to grow up and act like you.
I promise myself that when I’m grown and have grankids I won’t overprotect.
I’m determined not to be uncaring or belittle them at every chance like you do.
I hope and pray that I will not have to be told not to disrespect.


Date: January 3, 2005