This is something I really need to say.
It is not intended to offend at all.
I have many scars already and more to come.
I just need a release before they cripple me.

I know some share the weight I bear...
The memories of people I've hurt,
family murdered senselessly,
the audacity to cover up attrocities.

It's a very heavy weight,
one that makes you unable to breath at the thought of it.
One that still makes you numb to the world, even years later.
It's a crippling weight. One that some never recover from.

It's bad enough dealing with entire churches being the most corrupt people seen.
Entire police departments covering up accidental homicide.
The most respected people turning their backs on you because of the truth.
How much more can there be in humanity.

I can't help but to revert back to that person I was many years ago.
Forgive me if I seem a shallow bastard but that is what society has done.
These scars can not be bred then ignored, even with years of practice.
All I can do is accept them and try to push through it all.

Still..


Does one always have to be their best?
Am I not allowed to just let everything go?
Can I just release the years of torture I have endured?
I can't help but to ponder these all more and more.

To loose all that you had, and have everyone else turn tail and shatter you more..
What else could break someone further..
To lose one's only brother, lover, mentor, faith and everything held sacred, all at once..
It's been years since, but I can't help but to be dragged deep into this numb hell.

No one can say they know what it's like unless they've been there. The days on end of misery, horrid nightmares every night, flashbacks of it all to come back and realize it is still gone.

No bottle of rum could be big enough to drown these memories, though the tempt is great to try it sometime.

A little respect and dignity is all that is needed for someone that is suffering greatly.
Adding salt to the wounds is the last thing you want to try to someone that has lost it all and is struggling to get back to reality.

The only thing that has kept me alive this far has been my stubbornness to find something better. Do not cripple that hindrance, for it has been my greatest victory.