Wonderland, Pictures in My Mind

Wonderland, Pictures in My Mind

By: Alexis Manley

Is there a special someone for me?
Or will I always be lonely?
Will I turn into the weird cat lady down the street in the old victorian house with rickety stairs

Will my heart swoon over men who aren't real?
My room is covered in pictures of famous men
Hugh Jackman, will you ever come rescue me with a song and a dance?
Marilyn Manson would never cast his eyes upon me

I'm not a pretty little flower, that I know for sure!
I'm not dainty or picture perfect
My scars on my arm are ugly

My strawberry blonde hair is pretty, yes I do confess
My freckles are an annoyance I wish they weren't there
The small moles on my neck are something strange although tiny and not noticeable
People call me gorgeous as I pass by but I do not see it

All I see are men who don't want a 150 pound girl
Everyone wants model skinny
Will there ever be a man for me?
Oh how I wish for someone to commit themselves to me, but it hasn't happened yet

Will anyone cast eyes upon me and see more than just a pretty face?
Will there be anyone to cast all my cares away?
Will there be someone that would put me first?
My heart is in pain for all that I have suffered through

I feel so alone and cold
Will there be anyone to warm these cold bones
Each day that passes I figure nobody but my dad loves me
There are days where I dont want to even get out of bed so I sleep til 12 p.m.

I feel so stupid for listening to lies
I feel stupid for even being here
I feel lonely but I can not cry

I have my family
but they don't seem to notice that I am searching and finding nothing
My addiction to weed led me to fall for the wrong man
My free will to stop smoking was my choice

I am proud to admit that I no longer live among the idiots
I am proud to say that I have returned to school
I am proud to be me, but not all the time
Sometimes I am ashamed of everything I have ever done

But the past is the past.... I guess
I wish for a real man
with the balls to stand up and say that he claims me
I wish I had someone who would respect me for who I really am

I don't want to be forced into a dead romance
I don't want to be forced to be something I am not ment to be
I want to be happy, why can't I be?
Why am I always falling for idiots with no priorities?

Am I that desperate to get married?
I don't believe that I'm desperate so much as I am longing to be with someone who will take my itty bitty gut and my big size 10 butt
I want someone who wont want me to be like everyone else

I'm average can't you just be happy with me?
Or am I just not worthy of love from a special someone?
Will I ever be rightly placed with someone who truely loves me?
I hate the fact that I'm feeling unwanted

Men look at me but I don't know if it's in awe of beauty or in horror of this body?
Men stare I don't know what it all means
I pray to god every night for my mister right
But so far god has sent me duds and failure lurks beyond every corner

I beg of you holy father find my broken heart a real man with a real job who really loves me who wants me to stay the same way that I already am..... I'm almost twenty three with nom children and no spouse and no lover to call my own.... just read my stories and love notes I crave something real..... Someone save me from myself!