A Letter to JR

i am so drunk that the alcohol is overflowing from my wrists
my hair is in my eyes and i cant imagine writing without it there.
its my safe place, my save spot...mine.

i stood out in the rain crying to the sky to cleanse me.
there is nothing more in life that i need right now...forgiveness.
i hate everything right now and everyone in my life.

i look at my swollen wrist and im so angry
how could i let myself fall so far
its been years
and nothing could stop me.

reminds me that habits are hard to break.
we put on facades and appear so happy to help others thru tough times.
how do u tell someone that u care about immensely that u dont care how they are in ur life, as long as they are there?
they are ur very inspiration for breathing.
and yet you hate them
u hate them for not feeling the same way.
so intoxicated and yet u cannot sleep because ur fingers are typing faster than u can think

dont listen to what she says, she thinks her words will affect you
but in a stupor she knows they wont, so continue to be her friend
and in her drunken stupid rage, she will forgive you for the things u do not know u did.
and she doesnt want u in reality, she knows what goes thru ur head.
but she wants u in the dark and naked
and nothing would give her more pleasure than giving u the same.

females are a species all their own. they know not what they say or what they do..they only crave what they cannot have and when they have it, they know nothing better than destroying it.
yet we love the attention and we love to put out and other than sitting here typing in the dark with an alcoholic egotistical grin, she will say that nothing would give her more pleasure than you.
sometimes things are not worth saying and when i awake in the early morn with a throbbing wrist and a throbbing head i will regret all that was said and yet know that i made u ponder for at least a little bit.

sometimes we need to let the past go to continue with the future because u never know when we pass up a great thing for thoughts of long ago.
sometimes its harder said than done, so drown urself in the passions that u have now and perhaps the passions of the past will come undone before ur lovely brown eyes.
smile, it may be all that you have left, and for fear of losing, dont let go.
cause when u back away is when u lose the things that can save you.

and maybe throughout ur day ull think about this and wonder and yet i know u wont because u know the truth.
and ill never admit because im just a figment of ur imagination, someone that takes ur words and makes them into daydreams and smiles...and gives u inspiration to think and love longer and harder...
and thoughts that think themselves to life.

so heres to the rain on my windowsill and the alcohol coursing through my body.
heres to the question u ask and the answer u knew all along.
and heres to the color that you know and the color u saw in the dark and the color u will always associate with her.

smile
the world is in ur hands
all u have to do is grab it
and its yours