Paperclips....crackhead dreams

I threw away another letter
with the title your name
because words seem inadequate
now that your gone

and all of my poems have
turned into something
that resembles a
skitzophrenic idiot in
the last throes of madness
before he slits his wrist
with a paperclip

the same paperclip that holds
my fragile heart together

i still look for your face
in every crowd
a determined crackhead
looking for a dropped rock
in shag carpet
craving just one more hit
swearing it`s the last

and then my heart explodes
to land in pieces
on your sleeve
and you brush it to the ground
like mildewed lint
you have to look your best
when you see her
you wont even let my
flaws show

are you scared she`ll see what
an inconsiderate prick you are
befor you sink your fangs in her
like the rabid dog
you claim your not
until she`s to broken to walk away
your biggest fear is
abandonment thats why
you always make sure you
leave first

I wonder if she`ll cry at
the injustice
scream.s over static
but you turned my channel
like an old rerun
will you feel more sympathy for her
than you did for me
which was the equivalent
of none

i lay curled in darkness
a vampire scared of my mortality
an irrational fear
that even a lightbulb will kill me
you made me one with my shadow
one day she will pale too
a mind can only withstand so much abuse
I`m glad I`m no longer subjected to it
that i managed to escape
there`s just one small problem
I`m still in love with you