Can't Ever Go Back ... To Sleep

“don’t let me go”



-“why? Why would you say that!”-



"because you hate your life”




you wince at my words

as I’m pouring out into you, like sea salt

and you feign indifference like the connoisseur you are




“Or was that, you know, me just dreeeeaaaming?‘

my words fall out, as i'm preening beside you, wayward,

in catastrophic proportions

Waving myself like a kite before your eyes

dressed in Bright pink optimism, laced with tragedy’s black ruffles

My pupils damp with yearning, bat at you in mock flirtation





You turn to me fully recovered, like a warm cruel breeze,
blowing into my lips
Beautiful imperfect Creation of words
Cut out of charcoal black construction paper
Musically arranged on air,



-“Yea, but we’re a l l dreaming” - you reply smugly



your eyes assault me with a wonder so profound

I could not define it in its conception

you simply grabbed onto my kite string, and pulled

with only your sheer sense of will as a weapon




Now merely inches away from my languid eyelashes
You stood
challenging me with your stare
i stare back rebelliously



The silence erupts into laughter



We’re laughing
In seamless superfluous ripples

One after the other


Waves crashing, melding into the mustard walls
Your throaty laugh swings around the nervous lilt of my dying giggles
I feel you reach for my hand, but instead hook around my waist



I’m so close, but so far away



Shivering Beneath the microscopic view of those calculating shutters
your gaze
Boring a hole, like the final twist of your cigarette butt into an ashtray

I could almost smell the wafting trails of my sadness escape into the air



“I feel .. I feel like I’m swimming” I sigh


the seconds in between are motionless
I could almost take a picture of you
Make love to the negatives, and say unmentionable things
Things I don’t have the courage to say now

Within the fraction of an atom
you break into a grin ..



‘oh yea?’


I nod furiously; the ground beneath me wavering
your fingertips become firm, like branches
and i become A rag doll caught, in aimless futility
my eyes begin to trace the outline of your lips in listless endeavors



“Can’t we just stay here?” I whimper into your sleeve


“Whatever you want” you breathe back into my neck



I’m drowning in your firmness

You chuckle warm breath into the crook of my neck



-“It’s like you know me, You can read me like no other.”-
you pause tentatively
threading twines of my sable hair between your fingers



Your voice cuts through
Inside my head, inside deep
Where the function of tears are formed and bred




-“where are you?”- you Ask .. soo earnestly



where am I? Oh where am I . .


your hold on me becomes tighter
comfort once again seething from you



still I feel myself slipping


-“Can I go with you?”-


your words fade

inside my heart

I bite into my lips

Tasting the iron in my blood

I hear something deep within me resonate




“I hope so”