I've Deceived Myself

By GothicBlack



Why is it that
Every day I come home
With plans of greatness
And grandeur
And yet
I do
Nothing
Every
Day,
Always
The TV turns on
The radio is blasted
The computer heats up
And there’s nothing I can do
There is no thought process
Nothing every accomplished
And yet I wake up every morning
With plans of wonder
But the soda is chugged
By the hour
Just to get through the day
Work just another thing
On the list to do
And night time is the worst
When I sit and stare,
At the sealing
With too many thoughts
It’s like a complication
In my mind
A short circuit
I’ve deceived myself
For far too long
Everyday is a waste
Of life
And it really is
Truly too bad
So sad
But I’m stuck in this rut
And I can’t seem to find my way out
I’m not so sure I want out anymore
I don’t know what the real world is
Or how to act, behave
This life of mine
It’s just a damn waste


And everything's so uncertain
I can feel it in the air
Taste it in each breath
Hear it whispered in the wind
Something’s about to break
It must, or else
There’s electricity in the atmosphere
A shock wave through my mind
Pushed into my very soul
This coldness
It taste bitter
With an iron bite
Kind of like the sight of blood
From my open wounds
And I have tried
To ignore all of this
But yet I can't
For peace I can not find
In this state of mind
This depression hurts
More than broken bones
More than open wounds
Everyday is the same,
The mundane
I can not stand this any longer
I can not understand
What has caused this
This indescribable emotion
This kind of hate love relationship
I have going on with myself
I think I’ve deceived myself
I need fucking help
For I can not stop this
This fear, tears, confusion
Of my everyday life
This unaccomplished, futile existence
Is at a stand still
I can’t do this anymore
I can’t live like this



Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited. Ask the author first.
© 2006 GothicBlack
Published on Wednesday, October 4, 2006.     Filed under: "Depressed" and "Poetry"
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Comments on "I've Deceived Myself"

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  • Mistress Shadow On Saturday, October 7, 2006, Mistress Shadow (252)By person wrote:

    fight against it! I know the passion and ambition within you could conquer anything (look where you are now, nothing stopped you from getting down there!). Miss you muchly, ~T

  • mywristshurt On Saturday, October 7, 2006, mywristshurt (408)By person wrote:

    its more suddle than any of your other poems, but i think you wanted it that way because your brain slowly fries throughtout the day and it slows down.. not saying i didnt like it or that i dont understand, it just isnt you

  • A former member wrote: self-defeating prophecies...I do that...and still I linger...you always hit close to home with the malaise..

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