Eternity of Scars

I wish I didn't hurt so much
The pain builds up inside
I had to let it out somehow
The way I chose I don't know why

I have lived half my life
With a drunken alcoholic
Living in a constant fear
About whether I'd be okay or not

Rehab didn't help him
It only made it worse
He needs to just stay out of my life
And go O.D. somewhere and die

My life is scarred forever
There is no turning back
The mental scars will never heal
Nor the physical ones as well

My self-inflicted injuries
Are addicting to say the least
The habit needs to to get kicked to curb
But it feels so good I cannot stop

My life is spinning out of control
I cannot help a thing
I have no control over it
But it needs to be reeled in

I once had a suicide note
Ready to be read
I had my death all planned out
But for some reason I didn't follow through

I guess it was for the better
That I chickened out at the last minute
People here--they need me
But sometimes it just too tempting

I keep a stash of razors
For when I need to feel the pain
To get rid of all the stressful thoughts
And bring me a relief

The emotional abuse I've been through
Is at the point of unbearable
I can't take much more of this
Sooner or later I'm going to break

I curl up on my bed
In my bare and empty room
I'm restless and I'm fidgety
The insomnia won't let me sleep

I reflect on my whole life
What I've done right and I've done wrong
The descisions I've made and
How different my life would be

When I finally drift off
The thoughts still haunt my dreams
And my nightmares get worse and worse
And I don't know what to do....