shoe-laces. david taylor, and a NFG shirt

Tonight in your car I was singing along with “Overdue” by The Get Up Kids
And you couldn’t help but look at me and smile as I squeezed your thigh
Your sister was in the backseat and commented on how bright your face would light up
And how big your beautiful eyes would grow when I touch you
“I have that power” I said
Who would’ve known that tonight would be the first time
That you would say “I love you” to me
You simply mouthed the words but it still counts
I never would have expected though that the first time you said those words
You would be sitting in a ditch on the roadside with your head split open
With me standing before you covered in yours and my blood
Those big beautiful eyes of yours swollen shut and bleeding

Earlier we sat on the concrete of the skatepark
I held you and kept you warm
I said that “There has never been anyone that I wanted to hold so close for so long”
I asked what we were going to do about us
You still are way too young
The night started off so powerful and then some small sprinkles fell
As I held you close and tried to kiss your cheek you pulled away
Both emotionally and physically and you shelled yourself up
“Don’t do this” I said
You told me that I shouldn’t worry and that your attitude has nothing to do with me
Its not that I thought you were lying, I just didn’t believe you
“Don’t do this” I said
You retreated into yourself
I could tell because I do the same thing
I said that “You need to get rid of this constriction in your chest-”
I felt it when you breathed
“-you are the only one who can” I added
It began to rain
In many ways it began to rain
A little more than a week ago I wrote my first poem about you
After I realized my deep and true feelings for you
It rained that night too, as we sat in the giant penguin
As we drove away tonight your sister and I knew you were pissed off at something
You were very placative and I’m sure us asking “What’s wrong?” over and over
Didn’t help too much
I watched as you fastened your seatbelt and put the part that goes across your chest
Behind your back like a child does
I didn’t put mine on
We turned out of the parking lot and you hit the gas
Outside it rained
You had something on your mind and were upset
And instead of talking to us you showed us how you felt
There is an old saying that “some people can turn your life upside down.”
It is normally used figuratively
Tonight it became literal
Your sister yelled at you to slow down so you hit the gas again
“Don’t do this” I thought
I saw the curve ahead and automatically I judged everything
The rain The slick road Your hostility Our speed The curve
Not to be superior but I’ve been driving for awhile and I knew we wouldn’t make it
Even if it wasn’t slick I still doubt it
As we rounded the curve our rear-end slipped
And I grabbed the wheel to help you counter but it didn’t help
We were atleast 60 in a 30 on a curve
I saw the rain on the windshield
I heard your sister screaming your name
I saw the ditch and a telephone pole
And then we hit and flipped
You would expect that when this happened you would close your eyes but I didn’t
I saw it all My legs flipping The car spinning The window shattering
I felt the glass hitting my face and my body smacking the door
I heard everything crumbling and breaking and you and your sister screaming
I was silent and I wasn’t scared
We finally stopped and we were upside down
My face was numb All I could hear now was you screaming
The smell of the smoke from the air bags
My back felt a bit messed up
You were yelling about your arms hurting and how you couldn’t see
I tried to open a door but a barb wire fence blocked it
I tried to smash a window and I failed
All I could hear was you screaming
I wasn’t afraid but concerned because I thought we were trapped
I heard the rain pouring on the car and the car beeping
Your sister crawled out of the smashed back window and I climbed out
“I can’t see, I can’t see,” was all I heard from you
I yelled your name to make sure you were alright
I grabbed for you to help you out
I saw blood everywhere
I could see your body and the back of your head but wasn’t sure if you were okay
I reached for you and grabbed you and you winced with pain from your arm
I had a bit of fear shoot through me because I couldn’t see your face
The few seconds of nervous anticipation were horribly long
Then I saw your angel face
It was smashed and bloody but we got you out
You kept saying your dad is going to kill you and that you were sorry
I told you those things didn’t matter
You sat down in the ditch and I got a real look at you
Although my eyes were open the whole time the experience was a blur
You began to cry as I knelt beside you
“You are going to leave me now” is all you said
You were afraid I’d never see you again
I told you all of those things don’t matter, you were okay and we’d be fine
My dress shirt that you held to your head was drenched in your blood
And it is now in a ziplock bag in my closet
Not that I need a reminder of tonight but I want to keep it for some reason
I was never scared and I’m still not emotionally disturbed but I know it will come
At some points throughout the remainder of the night I could stop thinking about it
Only for a few seconds though
Like a looped-tape it plays and plays in my head
The outcome could have been different
One of us may not have walked away
But the rain stopped right after the wreck
It rained long enough for this to happen
We need to make sure we got the message and learn from this
My hands were soaked with blood and my body was sore and bruised
Yet as I looked through the window of the ambulance and saw you lying there
Your eyes closed and lips moving
I felt good knowing that I didn’t lose you
I can’t imagine the effects this will have on you
If I had been driving I know I’d be in a totally different emotional state
In my first poem last week for you I ended with the line
“In our future I can predict us saving each other”
When I wrote that I never envisioned pulling your bloody body from an overturned car

Tonight was horrible and we will never forget the images, the feelings and the smells
Above everything I will never forget you mouthed “I love you”
It took a car crash but I finally got you to admit it
You are so beautiful Kelly
Although earlier you told me to quit saying it
Because you refuse to believe that there is anything good about you
Maybe there isn’t but you instill good in me
Last night I was inside you and covered in your scent
Come one day later I am beside you amidst, metal, glass, blood, and pain.
At 11:15 tonight we crashed as “Walking On A Wire” played
A fitting song
Its 2:37 a.m. as I finish this
Barely three hours later and I forgive you already
We need each other more than ever now
Let me in and love me
And let me love you
Because I do

Now you just need to save me