My Waking Nightmare

I hate the way you invade my head,
not even waking daydreams are safe.
I linger in the past, on what was and wasn't,
and I linger in the innocense of not knowing you.
I was free, safe, content with what I had,
and blind to what I did not have.
But then you opened the door and entered my life,
with your black beanie and red backpack.
Young, scruffy, and with the most egotistical smile.

The second I saw your damned brown eyes,
I looked into my own demise.
The second you spoke with your damned deep voice,
I heard my heart giving up and giving in.

I entered a world that I had no place in,
I did not belong there and I did not want it.
But I fell into your words, and soon enough your arms.
And I suffered.

You drowned me in your life and smothered me with your stories,
and I bled myself dry on your darkly paved driveway.
I would have given you my entire being,
beyond heart, soul, and breath.
I would have given you my life, my love, my body...
hopes, dreams, desires.
Everything.

Because you glowed, you had such a shine,
something far different from anything I'd ever known.
For years I had run from emotions,
from love, from giving myself to someone I cared for.
But I spent everyday with you,
and I came crashing face first with my fears.

I survived. Why?
Because I had taken my hopes, dreams, desires,
and placed them upon our relationship.
And then your damned brown eyes saw it.
And you fled.

And everything that you made me feel,
everything that had made me happy, free, satisfied,
was taken away without explanation.
You disappeared and were gone.
A damned deep voice on the other side of a wire.
Invisible, indisposable, and inconsistant.

You left my life as ubruptly as you had entered it,
but "parting is such sweet sweet sorrow",
and your exit proves to be more painful than your entrance.

I want to be free to think, feel, and live,
but all those things I kept myself safe from,
chase me in the shadows of your touch.

I hate the way you invade my head,
and I can't wait to dream a waking daydream without you.

Sleep now, breath now,
you are my waking nightmare.