What the Rain Brings

Of all the things in life that create relief, hearing the rain is the most potent.
it reminds me of better times, and times i wish i hadn't lived through.
there is something peaceful about lying in the dark and hearing the rain.
it can be a cure for the ill of heart and the diseased mind.
there is something deadly about lying in the dark and hearing the rain.
it can be the cause of an aching heart and troubled mind.
for as much as i feel peace, i cry.

my mother once told me that when it was thundering and lightning outside,
it was God bowling. when it rains...it's God crying.
Why is it that my most detailed memories of God, are the saddest memories I have?

It was always dark, always late and always deathly quiet.
I would kneel in front of my window, always in my pajamas, always cold and alone. Always with burning eyes, a tear stained face and bleeding hands.
I'd stare up at the sky, sometimes crystal clear with the brightest stars I've ever seen, and sometimes darker than the hole in my heart.
Even though I did not know how, I would pray. Pray as best as I could.
I would then tell Him why I was asking for His help again and why that time was more important than any other.
I would beg, plead, bargain...and then crawl to bed.

Someone I once loved told me: "You always remember the bad, never the good".
When it rains, I hate to think that they were right...
But for some reason, no matter what I think about, I'm at peace.
I feel.
And its comforting to know that I still can.
Tonight I will sleep more soundly than I do most nights...

And I thank Him for shedding his tears to dry mine.