Butterflies

When I look into her
Big, honey brown eyes,
My heart skips beats,
Nearly fluttering through
My ribcage.

Oh how this feeling makes
Me want to get closer to
Her.
To tell her how she makes
My mind race.
How she makes
My words tumble from
My mouth in a stutter.
But the courage isn't there...
Yet.

Days.
Weeks.
Months.
She continues to bless
Me with her beauty
And curse me with dreams
Of a life I can't achieve.
But the courage is there
Now.

Deep breaths,
Make sure your palms
Aren't sweaty.
Check breath,
Clean your glasses,
Zip up your hoodie
And hide the damned
Mayhem shirt.

Now, one last breath
And walk up to her.
Ignore the butterflies for now.

"H-hi"
Clear your damned throat.
"I'm sorry. Hi,
My name is *****,
Mind if I sit with you?"

She closes her book
And obliges with that
Perfect smile.

Things go well.
Too well in fact.
We're heading to her place...

Relax.
Breathe.
Things escalated quickly
But this happens every
Now and then.
Ignore the butterflies.

We get to her place and end
Up in her bedroom.
She makes me sit on the
Edge of her bed as she begins
To sit on my lap and grind
Against me.

This is it!
The butterflies are too hard
To ignore now.

I reach into my hoody pockets
And pull out a butterfly knife
In both hands.

Before should could react,
I cut her throat deeply
To make sure she couldn't scream.

She falls to the floor, grasping
At her carpet as her
Blood stains the beige material.
Oh how beautiful she looks
Struggling for air.
Struggling to survive.
My mind races.
My heart skips a beat.
I can feel butterflies in my gut.