You died today; three years ago
Making what should be the happiest
the saddest season of them all...

Today I thought you should know
I hit Carly and she yelled at me
saying "Mommy wouldn't want you to hit me!"

She had been dancing around the tree
and tripped and your homemade ornament from fifth grade
shattered on the ground

Her words hurt
and you would probably of hit her for saying them,
but she was right I suppose

I write a sort of letter to you every year to let you know
Dad misses you and we all miss you
and the year isn't the same without your sarcastic jokes

Your smug smiles
your eye roles
you hearty laugh

I would even see you in your final year
rib cage pulsing out
body constantly shivering even in the summer

Just to see you
Just to feel you
Just to sense your presence

Carly is three now if you have forgotten about her by now
She hasn't forgotten about you and she talks about knowing you
Even though those years are supposedly not in her memory

I feel silly kind of; tears running down my face as I write this
The ink is smudging a bit, but I doubt you'll mind
I don't really believe, but I guess you did so today so will I

I followed your orders too
I drop Carly off at Mom's and
She goes to church every Sunday

I even started going too
for a while
Then I got afraid and left

I share an apartment with Nick now
and he's supportive and we take turns
caring after Carly and going to classes or work or whatever

She has your eyes, dark like the night.
and your full lips, she'll make a man happy one day,
even your feet, ticklish to the touch

I started dating again too, just to let you know,
Carly likes them, but I can't seem to find someone who is as...
Beautiful as you were, and once Carly called one Mom and it went sour

We are visiting your grave and I'm going to leave this with you
Trusting that "God" will deliver it to you for me
We buried you in that little church we said we would get married in one day

I know we were young and foolish
and I still am honestly
but you were everything to me...

The sun isn't as bright anymore
the grass half as green
Laughter seems as meaningless as typing lol as filler at the end of texts

At times like this I'd like to believe in reincarnation
that you are walking the earth
and in twenty years when I am forty-something you will be waiting...

And my waiting will be done...
I only stay alive for a thought like that
and Carly of course

I'll see you soon I suppose...
Still in Love,
Alex