“I’ll stay here for you”, I tell her.
 

 
I wake up to what feels like November.
Try to remember where I lay,
but can’t seem to remember.
Try to find colors but only find dark shades of gray.
 
Then the freezing rain lets me know I’m outside.
I search for a place to hide,
but nothing is hovered horizontally.
Only structures that rest vertically.
 
I decide to stand in a dark corner of an unfamiliar street,
that is covered by the shadows that have become concealment sheets.
Silence surrounds me on the outside,
but I hear the screeching of metal on the inside.
 
I hold in the pain
or else I’ll go insane.
I close my eyes,
and feel shadows pass me by.
 
Then I begin to hear whispers. Whispers and chanting intertwine.
Shivers. Shivers slithering down my spine.
The sky wears a halo of clouds that spin
like the fog that merry-go-rounds the graves.
They travel with the speed of ocean waves.
 
And as I walk stealthily through the empty streets,
using the shadows and sleet,
I realize I’ve made a grave mistake
as my body begins to shake.
 
Something about tonight
just doesn’t feel right.
I walk through the reality
 that appears to be a nightmare
as ahead, I nervously stare.
 
I eventually come across a broken mirror.
In the reflection, I see a dark-eyed man that stands before me,
but when I turn around, the dark-eyed man I cannot see.
I then learn that my bones can dance.
I remain in front of the broken mirror,
and it feels like I’m in a trance.
I finally snap out of it,
and continue my march.
 
The eerie cadence of the wind carries the smell of blood
as red, hair-lifting, breath-slicing gusts begin to blow.
My heart-rate begins to slow
as it prepares for an attack.
My vision starts to fade into black.
 
My body quivers and my pain is drained
as I feel the darkness inject itself into my veins,
wiping out all these emotions that make me weak.
Now the taste of revenge is what I seek.
 
We are now one,
but still separate-minded.
And he stares through his eyes.
NO, my eyes,
as I allow him to witness these lies
that I am now seeing under these pale skies.
 
We stare at the time: 10:43,
is the time that we see.
I think I finally know what it means,
but it’s too late now.
The darkness has taken over once more,
and I have no idea what’s in store.
 
We continue to walk through the night.
Going to go hunting tonight,
under the moon’s glowing light.
 
Then to our right,
and down a hill, we gaze
as we see a house ablaze,
The flames of the fire
 only seem to go higher and higher,
and under a lamp post,
we see shadows in the form of demons
 dancing underneath the raining ashes.
 
Then to our left,
and up above,
we see a dove
flying where the sky is illuminated.
 
Our quest, however, continues on straight ahead.
 
We go to a park
where it’s exaggeratedly dark
and find my friends all gathered there.
We stand there and stare.
It takes them a moment to realize we’re there
and we motion for them to approach us, as if a dare.
 
They do just as they’re told,
and I sense they feel cold,
but not from the weather,
rather than from fear
as they draw near.
 
They know something is different but don’t ask.
What they don’t know is my task.
We begin to talk just as we always did,
but then they stoke the fire I hold inside,
 not knowing what I’ve hid.
 
Before even realizing what I’m doing,
my knife-life fingers stab the one responsible
for stabbing me in the back.
After the violent, swift attack,
a breath of relief escapes from not having a real knife,
or else we would’ve taken somebody’s life.
 
By the look on their faces,
I now know they know I’ve changed
and that I am now deranged.
I know I must not stay,
so all I can do is walk away.
 
When we step back out onto the street,
we look up at the glowing moon,
and hope that this will all be over soon.
An epiphany then strikes me: I used to be someone’s moon.
Someone that loved, no, still loves me with all of her might,
and how my soul used to be “so pure and white.”
I used to shine so bright,
and be someone’s light.
 
Now, I don’t even know who I am anymore.
I want to revert back to the way it was before.
Back when all this pain ceased to exist,
and a dark, defense mechanism was not created.
But I know that it is something I cannot slay,
nor make it go away
until one day, I am truly euphoric.
 
Until then, the best that I can do,
is to try and control this darkness,
known by the name, Dokim,
and be the dominant side.
 
It is then that I realize that I broke a promise
to never resort to suicide.
But I have died, just not on the outside.