Life giving fund

I feel held down, restrained
like I can't breath
and when I stand up
it's like there's something I still need
I tried to tell him of all my sudden change
and pain
and when he wasn't there it was him that I blamed
and my world is on tilt
nothing left that I've built
it's like I'm waiting to starve
hoping angels aren't far
everyday that I pray
a battle each day
I looked to him for comfort, but he was gone
there's blood on my knees
and a longing in my soul
there are ashes on my head
and blurred vision of new goals
I stretched out my hand the minuet he asked
and the moment I called him it's like he put on this mask
and I'm screaming at him "damn you i'm falling apart!"
and when I heard my words
I knew it wasn't smart
so I stepped out of myself
and took a good look at my face
face stained with tears
eyes red and glazed
and I tried to remember all the things I've overcome
that my life is worth living
and the cutting . . . I'm done
so when I get lost
and life just ain't straight
I look for a pen and I try to escape
for some reason Ive made it
and every fight so far I've won
give it up for poetry
it's a life giving fund.