Control, Alt, Delete

It all came flooding back like a tsunami.
It's a vivid memory.
It's a broken record that I don't want to hear anymore.
You're a song i used to love but heard too many times over.
You were catchy.
You used to be a real toe-tapper...
now you sicken me.

I change the station when I hear you on the radio.
You're a melody that gets stuck in my head.
You're on repeat as I go about my day.
I shut my eyes and stay blinded.
Yes, it keeps me peaceful minded.
And I plug my ears so you arn't auditory any more.
But it isn't always an effective method...

It's not the overwhelming sadness, the crippling grief, or the horrible pain and misery:
Its the loneliness which I try to fight, but it makes me so indifferent.
Because I poured my sweat, blood, and tears into our relationship.
I tried, I really did.
And I've never learned to cope with such failure.

You were everything to me.
So when you left me for dead,
I held on for dear existence.
And when I survived,
just barley through the strife and suffering.
I tried to erase you from my life.

I deleted you off of facebook.
I untagged all the photographs.
I deleted your number off my phone.
I threw out the teddy bear you gave me,
even though it felt weird sleeping without it.
I've blown off and avoided our mutual friends.
And I started over.
Control, Alt, delete.
I pressed reset on my entire life and not for the better.
Clearly, I have every god damn right to be immature about all of this.

I wanted no recollection.
Just a series of blurs,
had you ever occurred?
We're you even with me at all?

And then it hits me:
The stone cold, hard proof.
A picture I missed and found in a drawer.
A video I had forgotten on my phone of you and I together.
And just like that, you casually re-enter my life.
I experience everything I've tried to avoid, all over again.