I Recall a Good Night's Sleep.

Depression is a disease.

But when the man on your chest,
The ice in your poars,
And that twinge in your nose that makes you tear up
Just
Wont
Stop

Is it terminal if by choice?

How can u stop the physical pain of sadness?
After you deal with the hopelessness...
After you break down suicide logically...
How the FUCK
Do you breath without quivering?!

How do i stop this hand from shaking?

When will my body forget it will not be held again?

Why have all my prayers for my blessed apathy not reached my fingertips

I wonder what part of me creates that familiar pressure below my throat.

I wonder how it can make me fold all by itself

And i wonder how long i will suffer before i come out of this "Funk"

I pray to a god i know cannot exist that he take this burden from me
I dont know what it is or why he has put it on MY soul
But i
Can
Not
Bear it
Another day.

I don't know why i feel this way. I dont know why my heart only knows how to break. I dont understand why everyone i care for dies in so many ways.

I guess under this "Wise beyond your years" facad i'm still the confused kid that drank alone in his room every night.


I recall a good night's sleep once not all to long ago.
I was in love, as these stories seem to go.
I let her feel my hand on the back of her neck move slower and slower as i drifted off...
I traced the tatoo on her ivory skin with my fingertip as she lay on a pillow as white and fluffy as my soul must have been.

i live in these memories.
Though she broke my heart i can only cling to these few happy moments of my existance.

They are all i have left of hope.
And i cannot stress this enough -
They are the only reason i am still alive.

I guess it's no suprise that love is the end topic of a rant born in depression.
I can't have your comfortable life
I can't stand for your easy love
I need it strong and i need it now
Even just if for a moment
Because those moments...
Those last few inches of true life

Well, i think they're all we really get.







My chest releases.
My breathing slows.
My eyes dry up.

So how do you stop the physical pain of sadness?


I recall a good night's sleep.