Enemies Unseen
By Loneal
Were a tear to fall for each drop of life
Squeezed from those wounds so clearly seen
The world would be washed of all its strife
And left placidly calm, quiet, and clean
If rage and self-hatred could be quantified
To a number, a measure, some point to be met
Then an internal joy could be magnified
And a ledger would balance: this credit, that debt
::
::
::
but blades are so handy
~ be dull or be keen ~
and weapons are dandy
... destroy any mean ...
(no high,
no low)
with
not
a
damn
thing
*left behind*
to make
you
.
:
.
*UNIQUE*
...
and yet
...
*AWARE*
.
:
.
that
there is
*more than it*
than
just
a
damn
thing
(to fall,
to fly)
... create balance ...
though blades are so handy
~ be dull or be keen ~
and weapons are dandy
They cannot remove
Enemies Unseen
-
only,
specifically,
Ultimately
...
.Just You.
--/Loneal aka Syn.Dark 040115LOct2006 (KU)/--
Comments on "Enemies Unseen"
-
A former member wrote:
"only, specifically, Ultimately...Just You." Your rhyme scheme is enough to sweep me off my feet...the imagery, just the icing to the cake. Excellently done, I could drown in your words. ~*Beth*~
-
On Tuesday, October 3, 2006, Aunty Depressant
(423) wrote:
I agree with Alan. And I like the idea of the mechinations(tears/blood) of sorrow being the remedy. Using math/ accounting terminology to eradicate rage by balance, you captured it beautifully. I find too much creative punctuation jarring though.
-
On Tuesday, October 3, 2006, Alanarchy
(1168) wrote:
Those opening stanzas were absolutely perfect.