Stay the fuck away from me...

Unresolved, unexpressed hurt
naturally progresses
to anger.
Sure, I can be objective…sometimes…
but knowing where the feelings come from doesn’t ease them.
I tried to talk to you…you didn’t seem to hear me.
All you wanted was absolution.
If you don’t give a damn, why did you bother?
You knew well in advance…you could have made time
but instead waited until the last minute.
You didn’t care enough to give it the attention I needed.
What did that say to me?
That my feelings were “shit”…shit you didn’t want to deal with.
That I was that shit you didn’t want to deal with.

You said “you deserve much better”, and answered “yes”
when asked if that meant changing your ways.
But your actions showed you a liar.
They said you didn’t think I was good enough
that I was less than…that anyone else was more important.
And that’s not supposed to hurt?

Your eyes are turned so far inward you can’t see
anything around you
You wonder why it’s taking so long...
why you aren’t over the pain yet...
but you have only just accepted it will never be.
How can you get over it until you attempt the climb?
How can you heal the damage done when you create
new ways to torture yourself?
How can you move on when you hide, dwelling on your hurts?
Your only concern is trying to make yourself feel better
-no matter who suffers for it.
That’s why I said you couldn’t handle anything more.
How are you supposed to put what is needed into something
shared if you are only concerned about yourself?
If your needs/wants are all that’s important?
Doesn’t that sound like who hurt you?
You want to imitate that?
The sad thing is I know you are better than that…
when you choose to be.

I don’t know what your expectation is of me…
or what you think I will do.
But I am angry…so angry.
I just haven’t yet gotten to the point where I don’t care what I say,
or if it hurts.
But I will not come running if you call…
an “I’m sorry” won’t do it.
Showing me you will fix it…and following through…
that’s what I need.
But if you won’t…or if you think to take your time…
stay the fuck away from me.