birthday girl.

By doll on the rag



i thought maybe this time
the landing wouldn't hurt so much


that i had maybe figured out
a way to break the fall
without the softness of you


but everything thumps and bumps and breaks apart
just like it's the very first time all over again


and collapsing in on myself
has become a rather uncomfortable thing to do

i've gotten all hard in places
in my lack of close attention

gone all prickly and stiff
bones full of neglect and weather
and a__f__i__n__e
__________________w__h__i__t__e
________________________________h___u___s___h


i am waiting for the sanctity to fall upon me
with the reassuring breath of false angels

but who am i to seek a god
when i will not accept him?


i just really want to spit in his face
and be the one to say 'no' for a change
even if i have to invent my antagonist
in order to exact my useless revenge






truthfully, i do not quite know
what i think i might be waiting for
except that i am rather afraid
that there might be nothing out there

at all





if i were to play victim
to the commonest of safeties
and base my understandings of all i could perceive,


i would be my own temple


and i would rejoice in the warmth
of the pulsing beneath this skin


but as it is
i, like all indignant scholars
who are no more scholars
than mice are men
(and i am quite the mouse these days),
am insistant on grabbing fistfuls of the intangible,
kissing its anonymous face with slippery lips
and calling it my own familiar lover


when, to be honest, we've never been introduced




so here i am again,
my little airplane of futility
giving one good shudder in acknowledgement
of what abstractists call 'the inevitable'--





i will crash on my belly
and make a fire of the mountainside









Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited. Ask the author first.
© 2006 doll on the rag
Published on Friday, January 13, 2006.     Filed under: "Poetry"
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Comments on "birthday girl."

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  • Cassette On Wednesday, December 27, 2017, Cassette (1087)By person wrote:

    beautiful.........

  • Broken doll On Sunday, March 6, 2016, Broken doll (15)By person wrote:

    This brought tears to my eyes, well written , exquisite use of words.

  • A former member wrote: Wow. Everyday language, exquisite craft. Wicked!

  • A former member wrote: truthfully, i do not quite know what i think i might be waiting for except that i am rather afraid that there might be nothing out there at all .... this is resonating and blindingly true. The what-if's hang in the air here like stars in the very sky. Very stunning, very poignant.

  • A former member wrote: there's a knot in my throat...i'm sorry that i can't or don't know how to say anything else or how much it meant to me..but thank you

  • PoeticHellion On Wednesday, February 1, 2006, PoeticHellion (191)By person wrote:

    That was awesome. Beautiful to the max.

  • A former member wrote: "i am waiting for the sanctity to fall upon me with the reassuring breath of false angels"- this was amazing, love. you always stun me with your words. i have such a talented fiance. =)

  • lordshadow On Friday, January 13, 2006, lordshadow (153)By person wrote:

    This was so extremely profound and you turned your thoughts into some of the most intelligent and sophisticated writing I've ever read. Definitely a favorite of mine.

  • elisa On Friday, January 13, 2006, elisa (1595)By person wrote:

    maybe the plane crash element of fear is what draws us in....the absolute of it all......worlds grinding closely with a near miss......but the collision proves to be a ghostly pass between the two.......heart pounding indeed

  • purr_verse On Friday, January 13, 2006, purr_verse (1052)By person wrote:

    gods, I know this. I felt every. single. word. Perfectly said. *faves*

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