I don't Know Why

Right now it hurts more than anything,
And I don’t even know why,
I haven’t lost anything,
And I have no reason to think I’m going to,
But it hurts,
Oh, God, it hurts;

Just when it seems like everything’s falling into place,
It feels like everything’s falling apart,
And I don’t know why,
I don’t love you any less,
And I have no reason to think you love me any less,
But I’m still staying up at 2:50 in the morning,
Long after you’ve gone to bed,
In tears;

Every time I start to think about you not here,
Or you not noticing anything was wrong,
Or even when you had to leave me before,
The tears start spilling onto the paper,
Making the green ink run,
And my words become nothing but a blur;

Yesterday I wrote you a poem about love,
Just because you asked for it,
I tried to explain all my ‘feelings’,
I told you how much I love you,
I did it all,
Now I’m writing out of fear,
And because it hurts so much I don’t know what else to do;

I miss you so much that I almost can’t take it,
And so many things have happened,
Insignificant things for the most part,
But I’ve started to add them all up,
And something just isn’t right;

It scares me more than anything
The possibility,
Even the thought that you’ll be gone for good,
It terrifies me,
I know that’s why the pain came,
I just don’t know why I’m thinking about it;

I’m not going to leave,
Why am I afraid you’re going to leave me?
I’m not really,
I’m afraid that something’s going to happen,
Something that will prevent everything from falling into place,
And I don’t have anybody here to tell me it’ll be okay,
That I’m okay,
That nothing’s going to happen;

I couldn’t even seem to keep you up,
I just got teary-eyed when you said you were going to bed,
Couldn’t even say I didn’t feel good,
That something was wrong,
That I was having a shitty night,
Nothing,
I just let you go,
Even though it hurt,
And at that moment I wanted nothing more than for you to stay,
I just let you go,
Turned off my light,
And cried into my pillow until I couldn’t take it anymore;

I just feel so alone,
So empty,
Something I haven’t felt since you came back,
And yet,
That’s what it feels like,
Like I’m missing something,
Like I’m being ripped apart from the inside,
And I can’t even tell you why;

It’s like I honestly think something’s going to happen,
But I don’t know why,
I just feel sick,
Helpless,
Broken,
Alone,
And I have no real explanation why;

I need your reassurance,
I need you here so I know I have you,
I need you to understand what I’m feeling;

I don’t want to be the one that says everything’s okay,
Everything will be fine,
I’m always the optimistic one,
The one reassuring you,
Telling you not to worry,
And now I’m breaking down because I don’t have that,
I don’t have any reassurance;

I’m drowning in this dark pool,
And nobody even knows it because I can’t find my voice to scream,
That’s what it feels like,
Like I’m slipping and no one even knows;

I can’t lose you,
I simply can’t,
And no matter how many times I think about that,
Over and over again every night,
Something seems to be telling me that I’m going to;

I want to be with you for the rest of my life,
I’ve gotten to the point where I have to have you,
Like a bad addiction,
But longing for you is happening more and more,
Missing you is becoming more apparent at all hours,
This need I’ve developed is painful,
And you not here with me is killing me;

I can’t live thinking something is going to happen to us,
But I can’t live without you either,
But this pain is so real,
And stronger than anything else,
I need to be told everything’s okay,
I need you to wipe away my tears,
I need you to love me,
I need you here to make the pain go away.