How long will it take before I can't take anymore?

I cannot control this freakish need
The overriding desire to see myself bleed.
Painful Ambrosia! Bliss...as the razor tears my skin.
The pain is so good; the reward so sweet
Yet, the razor's slice is the ultimate defeat.

I look at my body and I hate what I see.
Why must I always be so fucking angry?
I hate what I've done as my cuts burn red.
There is nothing but shame after my blood is shed.

Cutting carries with it an unbearable cost.
The pain is gone now and I am so lost.
When I don't cut I gain my praise
But without the pain I'm in a haze.

I fight the temptation but nobody knows
How long it will be before my blood flows.