I’m sitting there on the countertop swinging my legs back and forth like I’m a extremely bored little girl whose been ordered to sit still, be quiet, and have patience during a very long sermon. While actually I couldn’t feel happier, I just seem bored when I’m thinking because I tend to zone out and only a select handful of people can snap me out of my zone without repercussions.
I can hear Graham getting up from his favorite seat on the sofa, No please don’t come into the kitchen! Just go somewhere else let me have this time with my Jay, please, please, please. I’m continuing the begging mantra in my head when I hear the front door close, I wait tensed up until I hear the Silver Crossfire start up and drive away. I literally jump for joy when I hear this, which is a bad thing since I immediately start to lose my balance and almost fall off of the counter. I would’ve fallen if it hadn’t been for the fact that Jay had moved to the island and was sorting through the contents from the fridge; he turned around when he heard me do a cross between a yelp and a gasp. He caught me just as I was pitching forward off of the counter top.
He says laughingly, “Whoa there Raven.... you don’t want to fall and hurt yourself.... more. Trust me I’m glad Cracker’s gone, just as much as you are if not more, but I still know when and when not to jump for joy. I’m still able to maintain some of my common sense.” I retaliate with mock anger, “Oh! You ‘maintain some common sense’, this coming from the guy who got the nickname Reef at the age of 17 when he decided to continue surfing the competition, even though the waves were dangerously high, so he wouldn’t be outdone by the reigning champ Sun. Then said surfer unceremoniously crashed into the GBR, which proceeded to tear the skin of his lower back and calves. Oh yeah, real display of ‘common sense’ baby.” He replies without hesitation, “Can’t blame a bloke for wanting to impress his girl, who is also a surfer through and through, and who earned HER nickname of Night because of her willingness and eagerness to surf at night during feeding time in any and all parts of the Australian coastline.”
I snap at him, and slightly meaning it to come out that way, “At least I wasn’t TRYING to impress anybody. I surfed at night because I wanted to, not because I was trying to outdo somebody!” I stop to catch my breath and regain my temperament, but what I say next is proof to him that he really does matter to me. “I’ve told you this at least a 1,000 times. You’ve never had to try to impress me, you always have and you always will. However, I’ve never told you this and I think it’s time I tell you because apparently you still doubt the fact that you are the only man that I love. But, whenever you bring up the fact that you were trying or wanting to impress me when you wiped out that day.... well, it hurts alot more then I ever thought possible. Even after 5 years it still hurts like it was happening right now.”
He moves from his spot at the island to come over to where I’m standing and he attempts to pull me into his arms, considering that I’m tearing up when I’m saying this to him. I move away from him before he can hug me, normally I wouldn’t do that but right now I do not need his sympathy. “I still blame myself for your getting hurt, I know I shouldn’t and I know that neither you nor any of our friends blames me, or has ever blamed me.... but it’s not enough. My heart tells me over and over that it’s never been my fault and I want to believe and most of the time I do, but when you or somebody else reminds me that you were wanting to impress me, well my head just seems to counteract what my heart says.” I’m openly crying now and pacing back and forth in the kitchen from the stainless steel fridge to the microwave. Jay knows that I need to get this out, and that he’d most likely get yelled at if he interrupted, so he says nothing just lets me talk.
I stop pacing, mainly because my legs are getting tired and I need to catch my breath, when I regain my composure I look out the window. It’s stopped raining. Why didn’t I notice that it stopped raining? Oh yeah because I had to start an argument over basically nothing. Good going Raven girl instead of tellin Jay what you just said at a good time, and in a calm voice, you just had to tell him out of the blue and drop it like a bombshell. Okay, I’ve gotta stop talking in the third person before I start sounding like the Rock. Stop thinking for a few moments and just relax so you can finish what needs to be said in a rational state. Normally I would notice every single detail of what’s outside the window; however, right at this moment I’m not really focusing on anything in particular. I turn back to the man I love, to this day I am still amazed at how I can understand what his eyes are saying and how he can understand my body language. Right now his cobalt and cerulean blue eyes are looking at me intently with a mixture of concern and complete understanding in them. How can he not know that I not only love him but that I’m in love with him? Simple, I haven’t SAID it yet, I’ve shown it but it’s not the same as saying it. He can have every clue in the world, but he won’t ever be certain that I am in love with him until I SAY it.
I start to say something to him but he speaks before I can and what he says takes me by complete surprise. “I’m sorry. I never knew that you blamed yourself about what happened to me. I guess it’s sorta my fault because I never told you that it wasn’t your fault, maybe if I had voiced that it wasn’t then maybe you wouldn’t have felt that it was your fault.” I physically show my disagreement by shaking my head from side to side. “Look even if you would have still felt it was your fault as your boyfriend, hell even as your friend, I should’ve told you. I’ll tell you why I was trying to impress you, and I know you have a tendency to interrupt you don’t mean to its just your nature, but please try not to this time. Cause if I’m interrupted there is a good chance I won’t be able to finish what I want, no need, to say.”
He looks at me for confirmation that I won’t interrupt him, apparently my silence is all the answer he needs because he returns to talking. “That summer of ’97 was one of my best in surfing, people were really starting to recognize me and I think I won 8 competitions in a row before Sun finally got out of his streak at being in second place. Like you said I was 17 that summer, and being that age and winning that much in that short of a time span just made me a ego maniac, especially since every possible female teenager and some women were practically throwing themselves at me and it was....” He trails off when he notices that he really isn’t helping the situation by saying what he is saying to me. I guess it dawned on him that it is not really a good thing to say to your girlfriend that you had every possible woman throwing herself at you. But, when he starts talking again what he actually says surprises me. “It was really annoying. Did I like the attention? Yeah. Did I like the fact that women wanted me? Yeah. But, I hated the fact that I never knew if they wanted to be with this Jay or if they just wanted to be with surfer Jay.” He starts pacing, which doesn’t surprise me since I got the habit of pacing from him. He’s walking from the backdoor that leads outside, to the end of the light beige wood floor. “I thought I would be single that entire summer, sure I had crushes but it seemed that all the people I had crushes on only wanted me because I was a surfer. That is until you came to Sydney, Australia with your attitude. I still remember the day I met you, can you believe that? Of course you do you have a photographic memory. I remember I was at the Sydney Kingsford Smith Airport, with Xander because he said he had to pick up one of his best friends that he had met when he had gone to the States for Christmas vacation. It was at least 6 in the morning and he said that when you emailed him, you said your flight was going to be at least 48 hours long, he warned me in advance that his friend would be crankier then usual. So I was sitting at the airport terminal waiting for the flight to get in thinking that we’d be meeting a guy friend of his. Imagine my surprise when after waiting for about an hour and a half I see Xander, who had been almost asleep, suddenly get up and be wide awake to rush over to someone in the middle of a crowd of people. I hadn’t even noticed anybody in particular in that crowd and then was even more surprised when he grabbed said someone who ended up being a woman, and who had the facial features of a model, into a bear hug.” I smile when he looks at me after he makes the model comment. He stops talking for a few minutes so he can catch his breath, and I’m pretty sure his emotions, while he’s waiting he pulls a Fosters beer out of the fridge. It doesn’t surprise me, considering he’s the main reason I even buy that beer and the other beer I have in the fridge is for Faith and Xander since I don’t drink at all. He drains half of his beverage before recollecting the events of May 1, 1997.
May 1, 1997, 4:25 A.M. Xander Gates is standing in front of the 2 story beach-front apartment that his friend Jay Fowler rents, he has been pounding on the door for a good 10 minutes trying to get his friend to wake up. Waking Jay up is easier SAID then actually DONE considering he sleeps like the dead. Speaking of dead that’s what I’ll be if I don’t get to the airport on time to pick up Raven, she’ll kill me and probably try to use my bones for soup. I hope Faith didn’t tell Jay that Raven is a girl, he’s been bugging everybody to try to find out more info.... little does he know that the reason I haven’t told him is cause I think they’ll be perfect for each other. “Jay-buddy-old-pal if you don’t wake up from that vampire like sleep in the next 10 seconds I will personally kick down this door pull your skinny, most likely hung over, ass from that bed and toss you in a cold shower just to ensure MY survival!”
Inside the apartment Jay is just now waking up in time to hear Xander threaten him with a cold shower, which Xander knows is a good bribing technique to use on him since he absolutely hates cold showers and will only use them for 2 reasons. He gets up wraps the comforter around him to keep in some of his body heat and sluggishly makes his way down the spiral staircase. He then trips over his skateboard that he could’ve sworn was in another room, and makes his way to the door before Xander either gives him a bigger headache or breaks down the door. He opens the door to see his normally mild-mannered joker friend looking as if he was ready to kill somebody,and that somebody would mostly likely be me, what did I forget to do? Xander doesn’t even wait for an invite he just pushes his way through the door, while doing so he grabs a fistful of the comforter and tugs Jay behind him and kicks the door closed. “Uh Xan buddy what are you doing here at,” he glances at the clock to see the time, “4:40 in the bloody morning? I mean if you wanted something to eat you could’ve just went to Faith’s cause we all know she’s a night owl, or I mean is that why you’re here? Did you and her finally get together and get rid of some of that sexual tension...” He shuts up immediately when Xander turns around and glares daggers at him. Was it something I said?