Mild-Torture

Suddenly the words are flowing,

My mind is going,

I am thinking,

I am breathing,

I am doing things I had forgot I could do.

What is love?

Is it trust?

Is is as sacred as perceived?

Is it what it had always meant to me?

There is nothing,

Yes this is true,

But I know this feeling didn’t come out of the blue.

I know I’ve been depressed,

I know I’ve been under a lot of stress.

But do I have the right to bear such thoughts?

Do I even know what I’m saying?

I can’t think about much,

I don’t want my mind to be crushed,

Under the weight it puts on itself,

I know that I will receive no help.

I can’t expect things to be the same,

When I was a small child and just liked to play.

But now I play deadly games.

These games will be the end of me,

They will tear me to shreds.

Torturing others including myself,

When will I learn there is nobody else.

Nobody was there when I called out,

I had no hand to hold,

I had no one who told,

Soft, tranquil words whispered into my ear,

That was all I needed to hear.

But there was nothing.

Nothing at all.

And still there are others that wonder why I fall.

I’m falling and falling,

Deeper and deeper,

Within myself.

Soon there will be no one to help.

I can’t say there’s really anything quite wrong,

I just know there’s something that needs to be done.

Do I know what this something is?

No I do not, 

Why else would I be writing this?

This feeling of being hollow,

Is torturous.