Pictures.

I stare into the pictures of you.
I know I shouldn't be here, looking at you.
I haven't slept in 30 hours,
I've been moderately drinking and popping caffeine pills the entire time.
There's a Military Vet drunk and distraught trying to draw me a picture to my right.
This is my life now, and I look to the life we had.
I miss it, how real everything was.
The touch of your skin, how I could fall inside of you.
I see your eyes, soullessly stuck in this paper.
Alright, you win, so maybe I loved you,
Maybe the thought of your shocked, tearful, and hurt face,
The way your body trembled, the way you couldn't react.
The last time I saw you, the memories I will carry with me.
With me until the day I die, the first girl I really lived a life with.
I wanted to marry you.
I wanted to be happy.
I was so very foolish.
But what does it matter?
That I want every imperfection you had?
What could it matter.
I'm man enough for a lot of things,
I eat red meat,
Brew Moonshine,
Drink 7 nights a week,
Work all day long,
Exercise to keep my body strong,
Soon I plan to earn the title of Marine,
But admist all of that,
I just wasn't man enough for a women like you.
I love you Caitlyn,
and that hasn't changed.
I wouldn't change what happened, I don't believe in that sort of thing, but I'm tired of lying. It is you I couldn't admit I missed you I regretted, I couldn't understand that I was wrong, that after I've made up with everyone I've ever hurt, There was still you, and the thought of leaving you, walking out on you, it is something I will carry with me, and carry it on.