stumble

It feels like I've been here before
I can see it in my eyes
like my chest is cast in lead and my veins are pumping butterflies
drunk on what I cant swallow
I'm topheavy with regret
diluting everywhere i've been until I am someone that I've hardly met

Have you ever held on to something selfish and you know
you've never been the type strong enough to let it go?
It's a hell of a paradox, trying not to get enough
feeding poison to your pet hawks pretending it will make them tough,
I'm always awake on purpose for fear of trying
scared the things i've yet to face will jump me where I'm lying
its a bipolar world
a leaky raft patched with contented sighs
ignoring that you're floating in tears you swore you wouldnt cry

and its my fault
I flip calendars like bicycles and face the clock with road rash
a dull flash
til my dreams resemble something like a plane crash
and rain laughs
when you're the last one in the dark
with the matches that you stole desperate just to get a spark
to burn your last dollar
and buy myself another chance to take
a trail of broken people leading up to who I'm next to break.