I forgave you again today.
Pretending your heart was as pure
as the snow that danced down and stuck on your eyelashes.
Pretending those bright red lips have been missing me.
Sucking them like candies from Christmas day.
Coiled around me, we walk down the crowded streets.
I don't notice the people awing at as.
You do though and push me away
walking slightly ahead of me
and into a dark alley way.
Then you are back against me
heat of our bodies hot enough to melt the days worth of snow.
You whisper in my ear that you Love m...
my body. and stupidly I hear you wrong and say "I love you too"
You push me away then and shake your head.
Afterwards you become distant
and our memories fade like watercolors in a mason jar.
I follow you and ask for you forgiveness
Taking the Christmas present out early
to prove it to your unforgiving stare
You squeal as you open it
eyes lighting up at the diamond earrings
i spent two weeks worth of salary on
You hand me mine quickly
and I smile back 
at the twenty dollar Chop House Gift Card
"I know how much you like to eat; you little chubby man." you say,
chubby turning into some sort of pet name, your lips curling into a smile.
Forgetting my whole story about how I'm a vegan.
And how secretly I was still insecure about my weight
even though I had lost two hundred pounds.
I laugh along though and smile back at you as you put on your earrings.
Beautiful, how could someone so beautiful like me.
Then I see your monster and understand.
You became the ugliest creature I have ever seen.
No longer the woman I made my first Gingerbread house with.
No longer the girl I could take camping with my dad, and five siblings,
still feeling like we had room for one more.
Then you ask me to walk you home
and regretfully I do
and as your lead me up the steps
through the door
and in your room
I forgive you again
Cause your body is amazing
and your face is beauty at first sight
but your inner soul's a monster
a dark without a light.