why is it

 

 

that when I think about you(I try not to these days...your absence is too painful)
I can see everything that is and was
everything that isn't and won't be?
and you're solid in my mind
and in my heart
more solid than the steam of fire and water consuming each other?
(but not in my arms that suffer the burns of my desire and the chill of your absence) 

and I remember how it was
"let me surrender to you tonight and tonight and tonight"
"you're all that I want
and all that I can't have"
(in these arms...mine, yours, ours) 

you were the forest fire, raging and rampant
and I was the flood, wild and boundless
the crash of spray, the beckon of waves
as they curl and hiss against your blaze
and oh how we both tried to be the victorious one
the name that would not be lost to history
consumation and consumption
nothing and everything that manages to contain what it cannot extinguish
(but not in these arms) 

these arms...the ones that ache for you
the ones that miss what could have been
will.
not.
shut.
the.
fuck.
 up.
they cry your name sometimes. still..
sometimes I can silence them in the embrace of another
but they are never fooled
and they will never stop reminding me
of regret
and that sometimes the only salvation is in knowing
and accepting
that there is no redemption
for Achilles.   

and time changes all and time changes nothing
but there you are
smiling again
the smile that fills my heart with relief that you're happy
and my arms with longing to be the source of that smile
my arms are my achilles heel
the embrace;
twined limbs
reassurance of your calm and steady breath e
encircled by my questioning arms
your heartbeat the answer to a lifetime of why? 

Achilles heals
but never forgets.
the pain
once so raw
so crippling
is never fully gone

there is a dull ache nowin my arms where I wish you could be