Long ago on a dirt road far, far away...

I was driving home across that Texas state
In my VW microbus, the night was late.
When all at once it started to shake
I kept my cool and applied the brake.
Before I knew it the engine blew
And let's not forget the tranny too.
The tires went flat as I came to a stop
And no spare on board, pop, pop, pop, pop.

I broke down on a dark stretch of dirt road
Next to a roadhouse called, "The Mother Load."
It had swinging doors
Sawdust on the floor.
With lots of rowdy kats
Wearing those cowboy hats.
And me just standing there
With my beads and long hair.

The music was live, a loud clanky hell
The drummer was banging on a cowbell.
The songs were about lyin', cheatin' and heartache
People danced in a line like a huge hungry snake.
A lot of loud out-cries, hee-haws and hoots
Everyone was wearing cowboy boots.
Then, the music came to a stop
You could have heard a pin drop.

Yes, there I was totally surrounded
That was it, I was going to get pounded.
A huge man stepped forward, the real McCoy
In a deep voice he said, "where you from, boy."
"Detroit." Not realizing what I'd just said
"Detroit?" He replied, while scratching his head.
"Well..." he went on, "we got us a Yankee here."
And that's when my asshole puckered up with fear.

"Please don't hit me, at least not in the face!"
I begged like a wimp, in total disgrace.
He then slapped my back and said with a grin
"We don't pick on folks, because it's a sin.
You are standing in the bible-belt here
We don't consume spirits, not even beer.
After church we come dancing, every week.
We are good Christians, no need to freak."

I regained my composure, this was a trip
And was given a glass of lemonade to sip.
Bible-belt and cowboys in pickup trucks
Little house on the prairie, oh shucks.
I then told them my tale without any fuss
And how I was stranded because of that bus.
Then we headed outside, the entire group
Into the night like some wandering troupe.

Every backyard, shade-tree, and farm mechanic was there
Giving my bus the once over with their Texas like stare.
They brought in hacksaws, cut-off saws and a welding machine
Wrecked trucks, race cars and a ton of tools to the extreme.
They worked on their project the entire night through
Using everything they had including duct tape and glue.
When they finished, I didn't believe what I saw
All I could do was stand there, staring in awe.

I had to look upward to take in the sight
My microbus was given four feet in height.
They had turned my VW into a monster truck
The only thing I could say was, "holy fuck!"
Everyone said their goodbyes and all was well
They hung a present on my rearview, a cowbell.
Finally, as the morning sun rose I roared down that road
And said goodbye to my cowbell dreams and the Mother Load.