I Should Be Happy

 I should be happy
and yet the tears leak on a daily basis
making me switch to waterproof mascara
so tracks aren't left behind for people to see
because who could be seen
a happy person who can't be happy
and the trails that show its proof
I have everything
and yet i sit here feeling like nothing
Unloved and unkept when nothing eludes to it
I look around me
and I see this angry bitter person that I once wasn't
or maybe I always was except for a moment
I just can't get over the fact 
that I'm broken and don't know how i got here
I don't deserve what I have
because i can't appreciate it  
even when I'm using all my life to try to
I love you with every ounce of my life
but I still sit here and cry and thoughts race through my head
Why am I not happy?