i know im going to have a bad day
when i wake up with my eyes closed
dust incrested lids sealed shut
*the sand man was very generous last night*
i know it when i dont have the strength to get up
id rather lie there in the comfort of my warm sheets
cause i know the worlds much colder outside my blanket


...but...I...must...find...the...energy...

first step
barefoot on hardwood floor
could i make it to my bathroom withought callapsing...

second, avoid all mirrors
(I dont like witnessing my zombie state)

thirdly, turn on the shower
icy hot
(could it fall like the rain that rakes away my skin)
rinse away the grotesque thoughts
the memories that molest my mind

fourth
wait for the mist to pour out from over under and between the crevices of the shower curtain
embrace the haze...im almost invisable...undress...
(its bad when i cant even expose me to myself)

five
watch the pain go down the drain
(i smell like kiwis and watermelon)

her hair is a dark brown
her eyes a distant blue...
she shivers...
i cant fight the goosebumps
im dissociating again
d.i.s.c.o.n.n.e.c.t.
wheres my makeup
i cant stand my own reflection
please let me resemble something more life-like today

but the sixth step of the morning is always the hardest
(its what tranfers you from the early hours to your day)
the first encounter with another soul

"hey", he says...
"hello"
"you smell good, fruity"...
i force a smile

i wonder...
if they knew how many layers i had to peel off to step outside my house
to close the door and not look back
to not run and cover my head so i could dream up sweeter nightmares
than what might be out there

would they respect my efforts or would they just question my stability

i know im slightly crazy but its okay i have a deal with my insanity
(i got up didn't i)



but i'll always dred the persistant sound of my alarm clock

as it pierces through my content unconciousness



could someone please flip the switch
its to fuckin dark in here