Dirt

I cant lock it.
I cant push that door enough to close it.
I try.  I try in agonizing apathy.
I struggle

And tonight I wonder if it's part of my condition
If these hands and these eyes are meant to grind
To scrape and blind

I feel that crush
A noose fitted tightly around heart strings
And i CRY that i find meaning in the vibrations

No station tunes to my song
And I am yet to lay sated
Only fooled
By beauty and hope

My carrot rots
Strings frayed
And my dusty eye lids sag
The weight i pull has become its own
And I'll waste away here beside it.

I see the end of the path
And yeah I'm scared
But not of the corner I cant see around
No.. I'm afraid i wont turn it smiling.
I'm afraid i wont hold my head up
And I'm so desperately afraid I'll turn it alone...
Not simply seeking company, but the painfully stuffed feeling of a thanksgiving meal

I will be satisfied
Or I will wander this world until I am forgotten
And then I'll be at piece
Where nobody can come in
The door locked, nailed, and buried
'Til then, I struggle.