you aren't here but your sigh wakes me....
....from a thousand miles away
i sit in the darkness, rubbing you from my eyes and stretching you from my sleep stung limbs
but you will not go

you're not here
but your sigh:
hungry,
haunted,
begging me to find you
fills my ears
spreads over me like a blanket of molton desire
until the tips of my fingers are buzzing,
aching,
reaching across the darkness to find your body
my lips parched, longing to drink your kisses and taste you


i slip out of bed and crawl, naked, across the bedroom floor
but i won't find you there
waiting
to grasp me by the hips and pull me roughly to you

i sit on the top step at the end of the hall
nothing to keep me company in the inkwell black of night but the echo of your sigh
and the lonely drip as my need for you leaks from me onto the wooden stairs

oh lay me back against these too-long silent steps
and let me wrap my legs around (your hips)
insert your demands into my wet desires

but you aren't here...
...only there, in my thoughts
and ringing in my ears

i walk- half asleep...or maybe just dreaming with my eyes open to this darkness
into the kitchen
pulling open the fridge
listening for your sigh but hearing only the electric hum
soothing in a meaningless way
like the hum of the vibrator that cannot replace you
only dull the longing
as this refrigerator full of cold pressed duck, sesame noodles and so many wines....it feeds my mouth but doesn't end my hunger.

one cricket mocks me as i sit on the kitchen floor
chirping creaking bedsprings punctuated with moans
and i close my eyes.
i can smell... your sweat mingling with mine,
taste... the sweetness of your alcohol and cigarettes
feel... each ridge of your fingerprint, burned into my flesh as your hand cups my breast....each tastebud on your tongue as it laps at my wetness....each sigh of your breath into the heat of my thighs.

but you aren't here. i can't draw you to me with this desire alone....if i could we would be a tangle of limbs and loins on the floor right now.

i slip outside
the cool night air caresses my naked body the way i want you to again.
but i sit on the porch swing and sigh, hoping my sigh will burn your ears and bring you back....
because you aren't here.