Mother’s lament

So warm, soft, always there to envelope me,
So safe and comforting, never will he desert me,
I can have you always, just a touch away.

It’s not my family that I miss, not my two sons, my daughter, my husband,
Not my three new grandchildren, born into this world of lies, distrust, deceit and hurt.

Can I ever forgive myself, that woman who looks everyday in the mirror, to remind me that I failed as a wife and a mother.

Failed to protect, teach and guide, to teach the values that are important. I tell the one in the mirror how many mistakes I made, how if able to undo the damage I would.

So here I sit, in my prison of self-loathing. I gaze at you only a touch away.

So warm, always there to envelope me, so safe and comforting, never will you desert me. I can have you, just reach for you, and unscrew your top and swallow away the empty sadness. Let you envelope me forever in your warm darkness.

Composed by Toni Dobson. Posted at her request.