2007-09-09 Journal Entry - Why I became a Minister with the ULC.

For those of you who are not familiar, the ULC is the Universal Life Church. They are non demoninational, and by most, considered a joke since they will grant an ordination to any man or woman at any time.

However, what few understand is that sometimes, faith doesn't follow the lines we have imposed on it. That those voices of those faiths need to be heard as well.

In a recent discussion with a freind of mine I feel I clarified this point very well. I submit for your reading this discussion.

ELSDVenom is myself.


ELSDVenom: so whats on your brain?

Oraasthai: Not much, really. Just kinda veggin' out.

ELSDVenom: even when idle people have thoughts :)

Oraasthai: I don't know what I'm thinking, really. ~L~

ELSDVenom: you hear words in your head, but i suspect you are just afraid to say them.

Oraasthai: The words in my head right now? I miss feeling like a woman in some ways.

ELSDVenom: what ways are those?

Oraasthai: well, that first experience, where you aren't aware of pain, and therefore defenses or protectionism, where you are so immersed and lit up int he experience of simply being a woman that you just see beauty in it..

ELSDVenom: are we talking about something specific? or more abstract?

ELSDVenom: it sounds specific, but like you want me to take it as abstract to protect you somehow.

ELSDVenom: if it is abstract however, yes, i know the general feeling. I was absent from it for a long time. worrying every day what could hurt me and trying to protect myself from it.

Oraasthai: No, what I said is exactly what I mean, actually.

ELSDVenom: lately i have opened myself up again, biut by bit.

Oraasthai: was it difficult?

ELSDVenom: consciously trying to tear away the fears, feeling afraid and intentionally ignoreing it.

ELSDVenom: sometime si will suceed, others i do not.

ELSDVenom: even now i still have to fight to tear it away sometimes.

ELSDVenom: when i ride my bike for example.

ELSDVenom: i have to purposely clear my mind to enjoy it.

ELSDVenom: push myself to go beyond the fear of falling off, of
getting hit by a rock, or experiencing my own mortality

ELSDVenom: other times i am simply alive.

Oraasthai: That makes sense to me.. ~nodnod~

ELSDVenom: i get on the bike and there is nothing.

ELSDVenom: just me and the air.

ELSDVenom: i cherish those times and they make every other worth it.

ELSDVenom: they give me the power to fight it out, to keep going.

ELSDVenom: just like those, i have times like that in everything i do.

ELSDVenom: and those times make me able to be who i am. able to scrifice myself for the good of others, just to see them smile, or hear a thank you, or even ot just know that when times are hard, they call me.

ELSDVenom: but deep down i know i am stilll alone, and as rewarding as those times are, i want someone to be there for ALL the time. someone to give my all to.

ELSDVenom: and thatis why from time to time the fears, and the pain win.

ELSDVenom: because deep down i know they are still there, that i am still alone.

ELSDVenom: like all things, i am in balance.

ELSDVenom: and even though the scale may teeter, it always comes back to true.

ELSDVenom: and i know this, and it allows me to continue.

Oraasthai: ~listening~

ELSDVenom: because i know no matter how bad it gets, I will get back wher ei was.

ELSDVenom: and it keeps me humble.

ELSDVenom: because i know no matter how good it gets, it will still even out.

ELSDVenom: this balance has created the man you talk to now, a man i am proud to be.

ELSDVenom: just once, i wish i could bestow that balance, that true understanding on one person that needs it. and THAT is why i hold a card in my wallet that reads Reverend Lawrence Mitchell. nnot because i thought it was cool, not because i wanted to be in, and not because some man told me my grades were high enough that i could take that title. I am a minister in the truest sence of the word, a sense many many people have forgetten or never known.

ELSDVenom: i preach my own understanding, my own faith.

ELSDVenom: in hopes that some day even one person can be as at peace as i find myself some days.