Smoking you away

lately i`ve gotten into
the annoying habit
of writing your name down all my cigarettes
in black marker

i always go crosseyed
when the cherry starts licking at the
J
like a familar lover

i cant figure out why i do this

maybe i just want to see your name
burned to ashes
that are so easy to flick away
and be forgotten
the way i wish i could forget you

or maybe i want to remind myself
that your the reason i now smoke two packs a day
and it still isnt enough

its past the
U
and onto the
S
that i believe stands for my stupidity
a fatal disease that only shows
its symptoms when your name
gets brought into the conversations
i continually have with myself

i know i`m making no sense
but do i have to
your the only person i ever wanted to understand me
now i shall forever be a mystery

look at that
T
burn

this is always when the tears start
the last two letters
never fail to remind me
of the time we were
I
N
love

there is no reason behind this
hell maybe i`m hoping for ink poison