risk assessment

I wrote myself a note
On my computer late last night
Before I went to bed
It said
If an idea's good enough I'll remember it in the morning
I guess I don't like taking chances

But now I'm so tired of waking up upset from what I can't remember
The only thing worse is upset from what I can recall
Nihilism's just a pretense if you still have nightmares
I'll never wake up in clothing again

Everything always stays the same we just get a little bit older and dumber
There's no use in even contemplating how things were back then (back when?)
Nothing ever happens to change the fabric of our existence
The seas are burning and we're just older and dumber still

I can't pick up phones any more
For fear that on the other side
Somebody's having a bad day and they will yell at me
And swear at me so I don't talk at all

I don't like to meet anyone new
I don't like to talk to my friends
Because maybe they are yelling about me
Whatever I don't know will kill me in the end

But now I'm so tired of waking up at all, for fear that
There's no more promise of the day
I can't stand to break routine for fear that someone out there
Could maybe possibly be as dumb as me

My worst fear is something I can't explain
Which is to say an admission that I just don't know the answers to anything
It's only when I'm asleep that I make trouble for anyone
Which is to say a faulty ends makes the means so horrifying
And I would be lying if I said I looked back fondly
On every risk I've taken
If everything falls into place

I would fall into a woodchipper
Except I watched my favorite program
It said to be here next week for the exciting conclusion
So I guess I've got to know how it ends
Unless they leave it hanging
So I'll have to wait until next season starts
But by then I'll have a new apartment
And I won't have a woodchipper anyway
And I guess as long as there's something on TV
There's a reason to be awake

But I don't like the TV anymore
It told me that we're in the middle of a war
I think I'd know if we were in the middle of a war
So I don't watch TV anymore.