The Salted Snail
By nur hidayah
Morning came again
Bringing with it the past’s confetti
Raining down and sticking
To damp skin
You were there before me
Arms outstretch in the sky’s rain
Your mind set in thick glass
An aquarium of pounding colours
You never shed a tear
Or spared a tuff of white
For the empty patch of sky
Above my head
Keeping me dry of rain
Drinking from splashed water
And dirty puddles
Of thundersongs
You drank deeply and unnecassarily
Robbing my insanity
As your mouth opens and closes
Bringing forth no words nor sound
Just intermittent clicks
Like those of an ever rotating hamster wheel
You tranced me into
an insane raindance
where I was too hopeful to stop and cry
He just watched, that far seeing boy
As I stand below blue emptiness
He only stared, clutching
A string attached to a mobile raincloud
His rheumy feelings were faint
As he stared and stared
I wish upon a bolt of lightning
So as might it would strike him
And recharge his cold heart
Night creeped and pounced
The young tree clutched
at the silhouette dress
of a fat moon
My story has to be left hanging
However intricate and over bearing
Like a snail shell
A swirling gigantus
On my back
So I can drag it along
Leaving deep tracks
Tempting other predators
Who hungered for pain
of this magnitude.
Comments on "The Salted Snail"
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On Saturday, January 21, 2012, FadedBlues
(2096) wrote:
Nur...'thundersongs': I used the same idea in 'the sky sings thunder' recently...the same poetic thought falling into the minds of different writers at different times & popping like a tiny firecracker...
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A former member wrote:
"My story has to be left hanging
However intricate and over bearing
Like a snail shell
A swirling gigantus
On my back
So I can drag it along
Leaving deep tracks
Tempting other predators
Who hungered for pain
of this magnitude." you are a poetic goddess,Nuri.Please come back...
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On Saturday, October 20, 2007, Solace
(1065) wrote:
That far-seeing boy, brilliant, beyond magnitude - bombardment of thoughts and effortlessly evoked. A stunning jewel, with facets that require a light from every angle to show just how much it shines.
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A former member wrote:
i dont know how i missed this one of yours; but all the comments are true...you are just ridiculously good; the snail's pace. ...so allegorical....you see the divine in the mundane. ...egads~ness
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A former member wrote:
wow. great immagery and powerful emotions. the ending blew my mind.
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On Monday, March 12, 2007, NapoleonsLust
(16) wrote:
i have read this before and i totally thought i commented. anyhoo i really enjoyed this. keep em coming. NL
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A former member wrote:
*clapping* this was magnifique!
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On Wednesday, February 28, 2007, jack paper
(121) wrote:
welcome to DP, where have you been!? this is quite good, I can't wait to read more...
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On Sunday, February 25, 2007, blue
(1409) wrote:
Oh wow! *Welcome! Welcome indeed! ~b
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On Thursday, February 22, 2007, nur hidayah
(114) wrote:
i appreciate and am humbled by all your comments. i didn't expect to get such encouraging response so thank you ever so much! i'm a fan of most of you so it means a lot to me.
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A former member wrote:
wow, this is impressive. "The young tree clutched at the silhouette dress
of a fat moon" perfect imagery, perfect poem. welcome to dp.
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On Wednesday, February 21, 2007, verablue
(106) wrote:
oooh....new talent! please do stay. this is such a fantasic entrance. "He just watched, that far seeing boy, As I stand below blue emptiness" beautiful!
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On Wednesday, February 14, 2007, D3ADT0WN
(185) wrote:
Great job! Well written. Weclome to dp :) ~Ezimo
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A former member wrote:
good job, welcome to dp ~Tamara
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On Tuesday, February 13, 2007, Drea
(1388) wrote:
very well done.. welcome to DP
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On Tuesday, February 13, 2007, Mylissa
(825) wrote:
Very well done.
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On Monday, February 12, 2007, nur hidayah
(114) wrote:
Thank you for your kind comments. I've been a mere reader for years now and am honoured to finally be part of the Darkpoetry community!
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A former member wrote:
This was amazing. Well done & welcome to DP. -Marlena
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On Monday, February 12, 2007, Lynaes
(854) wrote:
Wow.. this was such a unique display of artistry. I particularly loved "I wish upon a bolt of lightning So as might it would strike him And recharge his cold heart"..
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On Monday, February 12, 2007, Lynaes
(854) wrote:
Such refreshing, powerful and inspiring words. I'm in awe of this.
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A former member wrote:
Interesting title and excellent use of imagery -I enjoyed this.