black butterflies of panic

first comes the uneasiness in my tummy
black butterflies flapping inside me
tightness in my chest
death sitting atop me
tears stop in my throat
a dam that cannot be breached
signs of my panic
darkness veiling my eyes

I reach out for help
grasp empty fog of nothing
alone once again in my terror
I try to take a deep breath
and cannot draw air
my chest pressed down by demons
a scream is at my lips
silent and powerless
and I begin to shake
as my world quakes

close my eyes and try to pray
my mind cannot talk to god
so wrapped in fear
the words not brought to mind

so I begin to walk
out the door
down the street
each step I take
draws me further from myself
look up at the sky
realize i'm lost

and then the rain comes
keep walking aimlessly
oblivious that I wear no shoes
from the outside I must appear crazy
caught up in my own terror
wet to my very soul

my dam breaks
the tears start to run
blending with raindrops on my face
the butterflies rest
the demons get off my chest
the clouds clear and I see the sky
my moon and stars never left me
momentarily lost
now I'm home