Last Stand

You cannot just throw someone away
and expect them to come right back right?
Sure you can, I subject myself to this constantly
for you, and I really do not know why

The usual happens
and the sudden call comes up
I pick up because I care
sometimes regretting I still do

Things are always situational in your favor
having things to do to rush the conversation
to have things in your favor
always so funny how the phone is going to die soon

What the phone does for me is a favor
saves me the hurt from you hanging up on me
maybe you did, who knows?
and with what goes on, honestly who should care?

"Drop the attitude and give it to someone else
because I don't need that shit."

Take your own advice sweetheart
because you play this sick game
while I've become more open thanks to you
but I also feel insecure

Doubting myself over things that happened between us
no matter what I do, something reminding me of you
I told you if we were to get back together things would have to have changed
not with you yourself but the way you act around me
it is obvious it will never happen so why bother?

While you point the finger
I sit there and take it
bash away
I still sit there
no matter what you do
I do not let you go
if I do as much to poke you and it bothers you
you will drop me in a heartbeat

You care so much
yet always talk
about how you would be fine without me
that you do not need my bullshit

It is a disease
a curse perhaps
because I know somewhere you care
your moments before leaving tell me so
yet it is never shown
you talk about me
nothing but good I hear
but will yell at me in person
in front of the same people

There are just as many words to express how I feel
as there are to express how I hurt contantly
after a year of you throwing me aside
I slowly let go and try my own way
funny how now you want more
and if I had given you my heart again it would have been stupid
because you would still see only the bad in me but not the good

So the next time you call me an asshole
look in the mirror
not to show that you are one
I would never think or say such a thing
but my asshole traits are nothing more but a product
a product of my suffering because of what I am put through
gets worse and worse based on how you treat me, because I am a doormat no longer
I have broken through these chains, because I will not restrict myself for you

Not for one who cares
but cannot seem to show it

"You're just as imperfect as I am, if not more..."

If not more eh?
was that neccesary?
and I'm the one with the attitude

This all does not even hurt me anymore
it makes me laugh now
I await your next attempt, really...
it is kinda fun to watch you eat away at my emotions
and then eventually tell me how much you still love me

Ironic isn't it?
the asshole I am
quite similar to what you do to me
except while I still care
you are willing to want nothing to do with me

Accepting you again
would be like a double-edged sword
no matter what I do or how much I care
whichever way you look at it
one side or the other
I will eventually be stabbed

"I will find a way to cope if you never want to talk to me again..."
(sorry I cannot say the same)
"Maybe it was all a mistake..."
(I wish I was as heartless as you sometimes...)
sometimes I just cannot help but feel the same

Prevention I have learned however
I owe it all to you really
you taught me to take shit from no one
so do not bash on me for what I learned from you
I'm sorry if you cannot handle a taste of your own medicine
this my dear, is my last stand