Unrecieved Solace

All I want is an escape from this life
from this wretched wretched world
Never Alone, Alone where it counts
Alone all the time, Alone in my heart
and alone in my mind

The drugs elate, Just another escape
the hands reach to help
but all i do is cringe away
hide away, in my safe place
so dark, so cold,
comforting

Here, I am myself
No jests for the amusement of others
here in my pitch black self loathing
craven coward
shying away from the light

Id give it all up
for one moment
free clear and mine alone
to feel alive again
so tired of this existence

Need to find a way out
need a solution
But i dont know the problem
strange markings inked on my heart
branded on my soul
can you tell me what they mean?
I cant read them

so ice cold, what is warmth?
Is it fire? Is it love?
friendship, achievement?
tell me, i need to feel it

Alone with my hatred of self
Stare myself down, berating my flaws
Losing what makes me who i am now
Im no one, just another face in the crowd

who will miss me
when i am gone?

watch the hands stay down

My slow poisoned psyche
spreading its venom
watch the walls fall
almost laid bare now

the drugs elate,


but not enough.



++ wow, i just came back and read this... what a self indulgent bit of blather...please dont hate me for this poem I'll take it down when i have more to put up ++