could you give me something for the pain please?
fix this mind as i break myself.

bloodshot eyes -
stare back and scream.
but the glass keeps her there
in a different world to me...

it's for her own safety.

"i want to be so skinny that i rot from view"

thin is beautiful.
you are not.
i want to be so skinny
that i rot.

but i'm not.
i'm fucking not.

and then there's the guilt
and the feelings of failure,
and my already spinning head
becomes dizzier
and i fall
and it's black.
but i like it this way
you can't see the fat

"are your legs wide and fleshy at the top?"

yes they fucking are.

one day i will take a razor
and i will hack away at this flesh
until there is nothing left
of me

my legs can't support anything right now
but if they could
i would walk to the bathroom
and i would thrust my fingers
so far down my throat
that it burns
and i'd cry for help
but nobody would hear

i would make myself pay
for losing control
again.
i would make myself pay
until i saw blood.
until i was empty.
i would see blood
then i would carry on
until there is nothing inside me.
until i am empty.

one day i will be weightless,
and i will fly away from this pain in which i drown.

one day i will be me,
just skin stretched across bones
skin across beautiful, beautiful bones.

is this what it takes to be perfect?
no energy,
blackouts,
shivering,
dizziness,
pain.

pain that you try to numb with razorblades.
but pain so bad that you can't block it out anymore,
and you eat.
you give in.
you lose control
just to make it go away.

and then you're worthless.

then you've failed.

and you have to pay.

i can still taste acid in my mouth.

i can still smell failure.

one day i'll fly.
one day i'll be just the bones.
thin is beautiful.

this is not.