I hate the way I've chose to live
my inability to forgive
anyone...even myself
my feelings stay in dissaray
thrown down on the floor
I hate my hesitation to open the door
and let some light in
its a sin
the choices Ive made
yet I wouldn't trade
the one love I have known
that was real
back when I knew how to feel
when I thought I was grown
before I was jaded
and had to conceal
eyes dialated
by my need to stay faded
before my lifestyle
became public knowledge
and my character was put on trial
by the people I trusted the most
before I began living in denial
making love to a fucking ghost
back when I could still touch you
or call you on the phone
when I could still smell your cologne
in my bed
you were my only choice
before your voice was only in my head
when I had more than just a memory of you
to hold on to
I've got to let it go
let you go
do the things you've got to do
so comes the time
for you to fly
away
instead of watching over me
the hurt in you eyes haunting me
oh so quietly taunting me
its not really a lie
when i say that I've tried
but its been hard to accept
the fact that you died
and became
the one good bye
I never got to say


For casey...sleep well dark prince