Regret

When I feel the chill of the reapers breath upon
my neck.

There is one decision I must confess.
Before my eternal soul is able to
take its final
rest.

My confession, the one decision that killed my soul. See it destroyed the very heart
within my chest.

Let me free myself of this weight.
Allow me to share with you my most deadly mistake.

Reliving every situation social interactions.
Overstimulation
Anxiety Depression
Suicidal ideation
Insomniac
No insurance can't afford medication
The voices won't stop
Internally screaming
My thoughts are racing.

BPD and ADHD
Wait, don't forget the flashbacks.
Reliving my past with
PTSD.


But let's put it behind a mask.
See that's a part of Scott no one can ever see.

But my point to this all. I was weak still early in my recovery. Internal demon got me thinking. I need to calm down.

So I took one shot just to calm my nerves.
One turned into six. I worked hard. Come on this is what I deserve.

Now I can't see straight, I'm wobbling and don't feel right.

Now the six shots turned into all night,
chasing a crack pipe.

Now the crack pipe escalated into a bag.
I can't believe I spent every dollar that I had.

Phones been blowing up. See earlier I left my love on "read".

Now the police showed up, it seems my love looked for me.
Now it's that 1st shot I regret.
If I would have gone home she wouldn't have been alone.

I wouldn't need to identify her body.
Now my wife's dead!!