mommy dearest

I tried my best but it wasn't good enough
The fist hitting your face
the needle in your arm
You still ended up in hell after all,
your in a dark place now, they think its better for you
I know the truth, and I know you.
I coulnd't help you even at the age of 6
You couldnt even reach me,
You were much to sick
Then I got sick and you couldn't pull through
You were suppose to be a mom,
what the hell happened to you?!
I know it took control of you. I know it was hard.
But what about the little girl beside your arm?
Tugging and pulling saying "mommy please"
was that not enough?
I never asked you to have me!!!
You wanted rid of me, and thats what you got
But what about what I needed? what about what i want?
They use to come up with excuses of why you were gone, all the while I knew you had done wrong.
Two wrongs dont make a right, but at the time all you did was fight.
Now im fighting your monsters like I dont have my own
I didnt wish for your death, I WISHED FOR MY OWN!!
The torture, the night I woke up a mess,
I came to your side, I didnt get my rest,
Laid out on the couch with nothing on,
I went to bed crying thinking I had donw wrong,
And yet I sit and wonder where the hell you are in my trying times

I can't bring you back, or pray for you'r relief, its much to late, your deceased. You didnt give me the chance that other little gilrs get, you didnt give me the chance to forgive and forget.

You didn't even think of me when you were out on the streets, or was I all you thought about while you were the meat? If I turn back time and change who you were?
Hell no, who you were is who you are!

Would I change all the days I woke up in sweat, and wondered were you are,
You did forget!!
About the little girl rested in her bed, about the little girl with all the pain in her head,
what about the times and ll the tear that I cried?
What about the times I needed you by my side?

Did you think I'd grow up all on my own?
Did you think I didnt need a mother, I could do it alone?
The nights and day's wondering why I was sent away.
I must have been bad, but there must be a way,
A way I could have made it back to you, A way I could stop , a way I could change what history had bought.


Now im older and I understand that the little girl beside your arm is not to blame.


I grow from your faults, and learn from your strength
That way I wont make the same mistakes.